Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
