At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
