I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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