i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
