i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
