im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Farmville is her only friend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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