We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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