I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
