Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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