i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
