guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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