I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
where does the pee come out of this thing
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
