ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
