WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
