I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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