You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
