Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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