her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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