I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
