she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
