ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
