put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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