and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
