he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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