3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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