i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
