I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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