You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
