there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
