I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
