2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
