That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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