this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
