I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
