my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
