Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
