Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
