You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My life is pants optional.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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