Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
