literally had 100 drinks last night.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
