He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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