I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
