remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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