I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
