drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
