There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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