So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
