Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
