I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I bet he comes in French.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
