i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
