For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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