Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
